Just another day..

My mind is filling up with fantasy again.
It takes me to places I want to be.
A place I don’t feel alone.

Then reality starts to kick in.
And I know, I have written about his a thousand times.
But for me it hurts the most, to see that you are alone.
Again.

I don’t know if I can’t keep friends, or friends can’t keep me.
And it all happens again and again.
It’s like walking in circles.
And still I have always hope, that this time is different.
And yet again, I am dying.

Today I have gone through a whole day without painkillers.
I had no headache or stomach pains.
But now I feel like I can swallow 10 pills at once.
Why not?
It’s easy as breathing.

Why not...?
It keeps shouting in my head.
Maybe I really want to be dead.
Maybe not.
Maybe my life is just too boring.
Just too pathetic.

I do nothing, except living in a fantasy world inside my head.
And even there, it’s all dead.
Why not take a pill?
Why not take a shot?
Why not just cut?
Or would it be for the thrill?

My head is getting messy.
My mind full of blood.
My body in the dark.
I’m not in a good mood.