Gifted

When people see me,
they’re often like: OMG
you are gifted, talented
You swim, love sports
are a great art student
and math is easy for you
well, what they don’t know is
that because of that,
I’ll never be good enough
my poems will never be strong enough,
I will never ever swim fast enough
I’m forced to go to a school I don’t like,
study thinks I don’t like
I’m forced to be a girl
I don’t want to be.

Everybody always sees the Bright side
of being gifted,
they don’t see my doubts, my fears
every evening I fucking cry because of
my parents, my ‘friends’, my teachers,
who all think I can handle it,
I can handle being perfect,
they don’t see the scars they make
they don’t see behind my smile,
if they could only listen one minute
to how I feel about everything,
maybe I could be happy.

maybe this isn't a poem,
maybe i'm not a great writer,
but i'm tired of pretending i can do this
really i can't
but that's okay,
nobody believes me, i'm a liar
yet i was there for them the whole time
to listen to their problems
break me, shatter me
i don't care
i don't even seem to feel the pain
you're giving me
you break me
and you don't even care
i thought we were friends,
i thought i wasn't the only one
loving the other
clearly i was, clearly i am


maybe i'm gifted
but that's not everthing
i'm waiting to live again
I’m waiting to be weightless,
I’m waiting to disappear
the funny thing is,
I’m already invisible to them
who could possibly care.