All I leave behind.

The only things I leave behind
on my path of self-discovery
are broken twigs and fallen leaves.


自己発見 の
路 の上に
私 が
ただ 物 を
残して いる の は
折れたる 小枝 と
落葉 だけ です

jíko-hákken nò
ko-míchi no uè ni
watáshi gà
táda monó wo
nokóshitè irú no wa
orétaru ko-éda to
ráku-yô dáke dès'.


[白狐]

self-discovery's / path-on / I / only things (acc.) /
leaving-behind am (clause) (nom.) / broken(-being) twig(s) and /
fallen-leaves (only < echo of táda) are.
_ _ _

Original of my alternative version:

Brown twigs and green leaves
scattered along my path of
self-discovery.

From: http://www.oocities.org/yadz5/haiku.htm

_ _ _

I'm not sure if this tanka (waka) sounds right
in Japanese ears. I include this in the hopes of
one that can tell me whether this is rubbish or not:

落葉 と
折れたる 小枝
残して や
自己発見 が
路 の上に

ráku-yô tò
orétaru ko-éda
nokóshitè ya
jíko-hákken gà
ko-míchi no uè ni.


[5/7/5/7/7]

[白狐]

fallen-leaves (an autumn word) -- and
broken(-being) -- twig(s)
leaving-behind -- (and/ --)
of-self-discovery --
path/lane -- on.

Many thanks to: http://tangorin.com/