Trans*

The silence of their stares
Is piercing my walls
The shame and regret
They don't show at all
Certainly it's there
I can feel it seeping through
My defense was built to last
Now it crumbles down
The words are still drifting
Sinking in slowly
My mother is the first
To say anything at all
"It's just the age.
Don't worry, it'll pass."
I run and hide away
But never will forget
The desperation and the pain
I wish to lose so bad
The fear of not knowing
Of not being able
To tell, to scream, to cry
Not even alone
Inside my mind
My eyes remain dry
But somewhere deep inside
I know this wish is foolish
I know she will never accept
I know I will be alone
With only the voices for comfort
And only the stories for laughs
Because I can't change
I didn't choose this life
I didn't choose to be born
As someone who is different
And never will be normal
And never will be that
What she wants me to be
I'm sorry, mom, for being me
I'm sorry for letting you down
I hope that someday even you
Will accept that this is me