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Haat en Ellende

there are days of lonelinis
there are days of pride
but im the only one
who can stand on that side

my heart could be broken
my life be beaten
but my mind is the only one
who ever be eaten

in my days of life
and my hours of sleep
im wasting time
and im the only one who sees

life could be hard
life could be promosing
but when im still standing
i would never be doing something

i cry to much
i hate to much
all my friends around me
and those who've i can't touch

all my hate
pointing to myself
i try to hide and flee
find a safe place or shelf

all the stone's trown at me
all the weapons slashing in me
my shield is broken
i will never be free

my head is aching
my stomach hurts
all my worries
am i wearing like t-shirts

im destroying slowely
every part of my life
why am i busy
taking this big and steep dive

im thinking to much
every dag again
i wanted so badly
to have some christian zen

just peace in my life
just to freeze sometimes
so i can flee a moment
a moment from all my crimes

sometimes i don't recognize
myself anymore
i keep on going
till i hit the shore

then im again
testing an suicide
burning al of my ships
and all of my family's pride

i don't want to eat
never again
i just want to suffer
from now and then

i don't want to drink
want to see it no more
because the way im going
i feel like a whore

i'm using and consuming
myself each time
but i went dark
the time i had to shine

i've caused so many problems
yesterday and today
i don't know what i'm doing
but i think that i know what to say

sorry y'all for my problems
sorry y'all for my pains
i want y'all to relief
when i blow out my brains

but i feel that i have to
hurt anyone around me so bad
so y'all can enjoy
the meaning and perpose of my dead

but i'm still here
hurting and closing
friendships and relations
im my own freaking bee sting

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Haat en Ellende