How it really is
There’s a smile on my face
People think that it’s telling what I feel.
But it doesn’t.
It tells how I wanna feel.
But I don’t feel like that.
When you know me, en you look true my smile,
You can see sadness, unhappiness and pain.
That is how I really feel.
And I hate it. It has to stop… NOW!
There is one reason for my sadness.
My dad…
He’s an alcoholic and he yells at me. He also hurt me.
Oh god
I can’t take this anymore. It really has to stop.
I had a mom… long time ago.
She died when I was 4 years old.
It’s sad. I miss her. I want her back.
Maybe my life would be better then.
But its impossible. She can’t come back. She is dead.
She killed herself. Hanged up on the sealing…
I can’t remember her. It’s to long ago.
No memories, no pictures.
Only tears… and an empty feeling in my heart.
I’m quit lonely. I have no brothers or sisters.
And I can say that I don’t have a dad either. He’s not a dad for me.
He’s just some person that hangs around here, yells at me and hurt me.
I hate him. I wanna leave this place and never come back.
Because I’m so unhappy here.
There’s one thing that give me some colour in my life.
Love…
I have a boyfriend. More than a year.
I love him so. He’s my everything. I couldn’t life without him.
He keeps me strong.
He’s 26 years old. I’m 17 years old.
But there’s a “clickâ€
I never wanna loose him.
But when my home situation is not going to change,
There will be a time that he is going to loose me.
Maybe I should do the same as my mom did. Or maybe not.
I don’t know.
I don’t know what to do right now.
Wait and see I guess….
Waiting for the future. A good future. With my boyfriend.
I can’t wait…
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