never free

i like to listen to a song
about a girl
wanting to be free
a girl who i think is me

you're not your thoughts
not your body
but did i forgot to mention
that these words don't take away my tension

if i'm not those things
what part could i be?
is there anything in this world
that makes myself me?

is it my laugh?
my mood?
is it all the childhood dreams
adulthood subdued?

i know there's enough books
'how to live a happy life'
when all i'm ever thinking
is turning to the knife

it's not a constant threat
but sometimes i get so sad
i cant explain in words
why i'm feeling this bad

when will this life be mine
and mine alone?
or will the overthinking get me first
and claim my mind as it's own?

is there freedom in this life?
cause i honestly can't tell
if this is my depressive state
or actual living hell